Weddings are a beautiful blend of traditions, emotions, and unforgettable moments. Amidst the whirlwind of planning and executing the perfect ceremony, laughter and smiles often become the most cherished memories for couples and their guests. That’s where the magic of funny wedding quotes comes in. Whether writing your vows, preparing a speech, or simply looking to add joy to your invitations, a well-placed humorous quote can lighten the atmosphere and bring everyone closer.
In this journey of love and laughter, I’ve curated a collection of 99 funny wedding quotes that promise to add a sprinkle of mirth to your special day. From witty observations about the quirks of married life to chuckle-inducing quips about the ceremony, there’s something here for every couple and their guests. So, as we venture through these hilarious takes on matrimony, let’s remember to laugh, love, and cherish the joyous moments that weddings bring into our lives.
Nuptial Giggles: Funny Wedding Quotes to Break the Ice
Kicking off our wedding festivities with a chuckle can set a wonderfully light-hearted tone for the day. Imagine your guests arriving, greeted by a sign with a witty quip about marriage, or your wedding program containing a couple of humorous lines about the adventures of wedded life. Here are 20 funny wedding quotes designed to break the ice and start your special day with a smile:
- “Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.”
- “They say opposites attract. If that’s true, this marriage is going to last forever.”
- “Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They’re hard to get started, emit foul smells, and don’t work half the time.”
- “Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.”
- “Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.”
- “A good marriage is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes into it.”
- “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”
- “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”
- “I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.”
- “Marriage: where ‘Yes Dear’ are the magic words.”
- “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”
- “Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.”
- “They say marriage is all about compromise. I agree. My spouse gets to make all the small decisions, and I get to make all the big ones. We haven’t had to make a big decision in 10 years.”
- “An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”
- “Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”
- “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. But after marriage, you can’t sleep because of the snoring.”
- “The four most beautiful words in our common language: ‘I told you so.'”
- “Marriage: A relationship where one person is always right and the other is the husband.”
- “I married Mr. Right. I just didn’t know his first name was ‘Always’.”
- “Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. And behind every unsuccessful man are two.”
Love and Laughter: Hilarious Takes on Marriage
As we venture further into the celebration of love, it becomes evident that humor is not just a guest but a vital part of the relationship itself. These 20 hilarious takes on marriage serve as perfect nuggets of wisdom, wrapped in laughter, for toasts, vows, or even the casual banter between loved ones on your wedding day:
- “Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.”
- “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.”
- “Being married is like having a best friend who doesn’t remember anything you say.”
- “In my house, I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.”
- “Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.”
- “I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”
- “We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.”
- “Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.”
- “My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food… She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
- “The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.”
- “You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.”
- “The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.”
- “Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”
- “I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. ‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’ she said. So I suggested the kitchen.”
- “A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.”
- “Some mornings I wake up grouchy. And some mornings I let her sleep.”
- “Marriage is like a game of chess. Except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke, and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.”
- “My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
- “A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.”
- “Marriage is when a man loses his bachelor’s degree and a woman gets her master’s degree.”
Tying the Knot with a Smile: Quips about Getting Hitched
The moment you decide to tie the knot is monumental, and what better way to celebrate this step than with humor? The following 20 funny wedding quotes shine a light-hearted spotlight on the act of getting hitched, making them perfect for adding a humorous touch to your wedding programs, vows, or speeches:
- “Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.”
- “Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it’s also remembering to take out the trash.”
- “Why marry? For the ingenious and dastardly plot to get more gifts.”
- “Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.”
- “A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.”
- “What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A wedding.”
- “Marriage is a workshop…where the husband works and the wife shops.”
- “They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for. And a good wifi signal at the wedding venue.”
- “Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.”
- “Weddings are not for the faint-hearted – ask my bank account.”
- “A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.”
- “Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony where two people are united in partnership. Aka, the start of an endless sleepover with your favorite weirdo.”
- “Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia? The mafia wants either your money or life… Wives want both!”
- “Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.”
- “Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.”
- “I was an incomplete man before I married. Now, I’m finished.”
- “Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.”
- “In a marriage, each partner is to be an encourager rather than a critic, a forgiver rather than a collector of hurts, an enabler rather than a reformer.”
- “Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.”
- “They say marriage is grand. And divorce? About 10 grand.”
Happily Ever Laughter: Funny Wedding Quotes for Couples
As couples embark on their journey together, maintaining a sense of humor can be as crucial as love itself. These 20 funny wedding quotes for couples highlight the lighter side of partnership, making them perfect for anniversary cards, speeches, or simply to remind each other to laugh through the ups and downs of married life:
- “Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.”
- “They say marriage is all about compromise. If that’s true, we’re really good at it. I wanted a dog, you wanted a cat, so we compromised and got a dog.”
- “The key to a successful marriage is to argue naked. It’s really hard to fight when you’re laughing.”
- “Remember, in marriage, ‘Yours’ and ‘Mine’ becomes ‘Ours.’ Except for the chocolate. That’s mine.”
- “In marriage, you’re always right. And so am I.”
- “The four most important words in any marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.'”
- “Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”
- “You’re the butter to my bread, the breath to my life, and the annoyance to my sanity. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
- “They say love is blind. Marriage is the real eye-opener.”
- “Finding someone to share your life with is like finding a needle in a haystack. Especially if you’re not into farming.”
- “Marriage is when you find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
- “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person, and always after a heated argument over something trivial.”
- “Marriage lets you find that special someone to annoy for the rest of your life.”
- “My partner promised to love me in sickness and in health, as long as it doesn’t involve sharing their dessert.”
- “In our marriage, we have a rule: whoever is less angry does the cooking. We’ve been eating a lot of takeout lately.”
- “We’ve been married for so long, we’re on our third bottle of Tabasco sauce. That’s commitment.”
- “Our marriage is built on love, trust, and a mutual understanding of mutual misunderstanding.”
- “Love is not having to hold your partner’s feet when they’re cold. But doing it anyway.”
- “Marriage is finding that one special person you can enjoy being a little weird with.”
- “Remember: Marriage is a journey. A journey better navigated with GPS, because asking for directions is out of the question.”
Forever Fun: Chuckles for the Married Journey
As we close this laughter-filled exploration of marriage, it’s clear that the journey of matrimony is one best traveled with a healthy dose of humor. Here are 20 funny wedding quotes that offer a glimpse into the everlasting fun that marriage promises. Perfect for adding a touch of humor to anniversary celebrations, these quotes remind us that love, laughter, and a good sense of humor are key to a long and happy marriage:
- “Marriage: where ‘I do’ is the longest sentence you can form.”
- “In my house, I’m the boss. My wife is just the decision-maker.”
- “Married life teaches you loyalty, patience, understanding, perseverance, and a lot of other things you wouldn’t need if you’d stayed single.”
- “Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill but not doing it because you’d miss them.”
- “Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right, and the other is the husband.”
- “My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that’s what she said.”
- “After marriage, ‘Netflix and chill’ becomes ‘Netflix and children’.”
- “You know you’re married when you have more conversations about the grocery list than anything else.”
- “A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.”
- “Arguments in marriage are like the tides in the sea, a sign of life and motion, and without them, you’re just two people living in a dead sea.”
- “The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret, but we’re pretty sure it involves a lot of pizza.”
- “Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in, and those inside are desperate to come out.”
- “The most romantic love story isn’t Romeo and Juliet who died together, but grandma and grandpa who grew old together.”
- “Remember: When you’re wrong, admit it. When you’re right, be quiet. Married life 101.”
- “Marriage: A bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”
- “Love is blind, and marriage is the eye-opener that turns on the lights.”
- “They say all you need is love. A little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt either.”
- “Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. After a while, you just want a club and a spade.”
- “My spouse and I live happily for 25 years; and then we met.”
As we wrap up this delightful exploration of 99 funny wedding quotes, it’s clear that humor plays a pivotal role in not just weddings but in the entirety of a married life. Incorporating these lighthearted quips into your big day or the days that follow can add a layer of joy and connectedness that enhances the bond between partners. Laughter is, after all, one of the most universal expressions of joy and love. So, as you embark on your journey of marital bliss, remember to keep laughter close at hand, for it is the secret ingredient that makes the adventure of marriage all the more enjoyable. Here’s to love, laughter, and happily ever laughter!
